blog - posted on November 17, 2019 by

The things that brought me the MOST amount of Pain, Anxiety, Depression and Hurt

The things that brought me the MOST INTENSE and IMMENSE amount of Pain, Anxiety, Depression, Panic Attacks, Hurt, Sadness, and Dissatisfaction (like drinking salt water to quench your thirst):

– Chasing after money / financial security to feel safe and secure.

– Chasing Fame and accolades to feel wanted and validated.

– Trying to conquer and chase after a bunch of women trying to fill that VOID and no matter how good one was they were still “never good enough'”

– Seeking escape through Lust (porn/fantasizing/day dreaming/masturbation etc,) getting high off the dopamine hits the brain releases during climax, ruining any sort of possible connection and intimacy in a relationship.

– Fearing Death, not knowing what laid ahead or understanding God/Heaven/eternity. Grasping to this world, not wanting to ever leave it.

– Disregarding what God calls sin for my own pleasures.

– Pride. Holding others in contempt…thinking I’m better than them and that they OWE ME an apology, not the other way around.

– Drinking and doing drugs (smoked a TON of weed in my teens)

– Sugar. 😂

** What brought me the MOST IMMENSE AMOUNT of Peace, Love, Joy, Happiness, Clarity, Healing, Purpose and Satisfaction **:

– Surrendering my life to Christ. Literally in tears on my knees in my room in the worst pain I’ve ever been in my life saying: “I can’t do this anymore.” (Trust me, you don’t ever want to come to this point, I don’t wish it on anybody.)

– Learning to no longer put my trust and security in money. Yes, I still understand money makes the world go round and I need money to survive. But I’m no longer making it my idol. I saw first hand, growing up poor, that God will ALWAYS provide (Matthew 6:25-27)

– Fame and accolades are no longer my identity. They no longer make me feel validated or full of worth. I’ve already found my worth in Jesus. He thought I was to die for. Famous and with awards or not. They could supplement life, if God’s will, at this point…but they’re AREN’T life.

– I no longer seek fulfillment through Lust, Fantasies and Sex. I’m currently 8 Months (245 Days) sober from Masturbation, something that gripped me for a quarter century. That addiction (Lust) ruined intimacy and the ability to connect with/Love others. Nobody was ever able to live up to the expectations I had nor would they ever be good enough. It was never enough and I was never satisfied.

– I no longer fear death. It’s lost it’s sting as I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there is greater that awaits me. To some…this world is the only heaven they’ll know. To others, it’ll be the only hell they know. I love life and am grateful for every single day that I’m blessed to be here and take another breath but my heart longs for eternity for that is what God has placed in our hearts and why they always long for something this world will never ever satisfy (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

– Ridding any sort of worldly, new age, mystic, occult things from my life (Books, trinkets, practices, teachings etc including but not limited to: Books like “The Secret”, astrology, psychics, sage, statues/idols etc) that don’t honor the One True God.

– Making amends with any and ALL people in the past that I may have hurt or crossed to the best of my ability (if there’s anyone out there who believes I still owe them an amends, please don’t hesitate to message me with a gentle reminder!)

– I genuinely have a hate, disgust and disdain for sin (Pride, Lust, Greed, Envy and all the other sins listed in The Bible.) It’s the downfall of man. It’s what makes this world a worse place. Not bad presidents or school shootings but SIN in mans heart. It’s what BREEDS hate and everything else that is tearing this world apart (including bad presidents and school shootings.) When you learn to hate sin, the very thing that separates us from God, you learn to love God and want what’s best for your life, this world and all of humanity. Laws aren’t gonna change hearts that don’t Love the Ultimate moral and Law Giver.

– Stop doing drugs and highly limiting my alcohol intake (a few social drinks once in a blue moon and even then, there’s absolutely nothing positive that comes from it.)

– Limiting my sugar intake as best as possible.

I am at the most peaceful joyus state that I’ve ever been in my life. I don’t get panic attacks anymore. Realizing that God loves me and that He’s simply enough for all I’ll ever need. I’m blessed with the BEST family and girlfriend. There is no other way to achieve full contentness, joy and happiness in life. I’ve tried it all. My new heart has given me new eyes to view things from a completely different perspective. And life is #Bonita I’m blessed beyond measure and I’m glad that God snatched me from up out of the pit! #Delivered 🙏 #AllGloryToGod

My name is Josh aka “Rip”. And this is MY truth! Not a copied post!

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