The absolute BEST gift you can give your significant other/partner/spouse isn’t a $10k diamond ring. It’s not a Mercedes with a bow in the driveway. It’s not the favorite jacket they always wanted or an unforgettable trip/cruise to the Caribbean or the location you’ve always dreamed of traveling to. It’s not even them loving you in your Love Language every day (although this is very important.) You know what it is??
It’s healing yourself first. It’s revisiting and healing all your childhood traumas and wounds before dragging someone else into your mess. It’s facing and healing the physical/sexual/mental/emotional abuse you were exposed to or endured as a child. It’s healing from that narcissist you dated and finding worth in yourself again as a human. It’s healing any Daddy/Mommy issues. It’s recovering from any addictions that may have a grip on your life: People addictions (Sex, Romance, Relationships), substance and alcohol addictions, gambling addictions. It’s healing any addictions to Porn (which prevents you from becoming intimate and close to another human.)
It’s healing your poor spending habits which puts you at financial risk because you never had a good model of a mindful/frugal spender growing up. It’s repairing your broken relationships with your parents. It’s forgiving those who have crossed you, including parents’/exes/Loved ones. After all, how could you ask God to bless your life and forgive you when you still harbor resentment and unforgiveness in your heart?? It’s healing any unfounded fears that truly hold no base (especially when fear is not of God.) The list goes on, but you get the point.
It’s your partner’s job to love you, but it’s not their job to fix or heal you. That’s something you have to do on your own, and I firmly know in my heart it is the absolute best gift you can give your current (or future) life partner and kids/family! And next, the BEST gift you can ever give your kids is showing them how much you love their other parent (whether you’re together or not!) And that takes being healed. And healing takes time. It’s a process. And you know what makes the process even longer?? When you’re dragging someone else along for the ride who is enabling your unhealthy behavior (talking pre-marriage/dating.) I don’t tell this to condemn anyone…but it is a testimony that I speak in Love because imagine this world if it were filled with loving, healed people that weren’t severely as broken as we are… (I understand nobody will ever be perfect…but that isn’t an excuse to tell people “love me as I am or else there’s the door” while we neglect our own issues.)
After re-submitting and surrendering my life to Christ 4 years ago, I allowed Him to do open heart surgery on me and it wasn’t an overnight process. Those close to me have seen the changes in many of the things I used to do. To those who never really knew me or only see the “Rip” they see on stage or social media…May still get a very different picture. 😅 But, they don’t truly know me. I’ve had to revisit many unhealthy things I was exposed to as a child (I’ll save these details for prob another documentary I’ll end up making to tell my whole story/testimony.) After years of letting The Lord heal and work on me (and He still is) I was able to enjoy my first fruitful, faithful relationship for about 6-7 months. If I’m being honest, if I include porn/lust as cheating (which mentally and emotionally, it is)…I’ve never been a faithful partner before this one. Unfortunately, we both had different directions in life and we both respectfully, mutually and lovingly decided to go our separate ways a few months back. It was actually the most loving, healthy, respectful, and understanding breakup that I’ve ever experienced with no hatred or resentment.
So…what does healing look like?? To some, it’s seeing a therapist. Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with therapy. If it works for you…great. But in my personal opinion, it doesn’t work for me. A therapist is just another flawed, hurt human who has a therapist themselves. Your Dr. has a Dr. But let me tell you Who is the best therapist, Dr and Healer of them all! And that is my BIG God I serve & His son Jesus Christ! The One who actually made us and knows HOW we work and gave us The Blueprint on life (His Word.) It’s honestly really simple:
We have to fully surrender our lives and hearts to Him and not keep giving things to Him but then trying to take them back (I’m guilty of this myself at times.) It’s knowing and understanding that we are powerless and harness absolutely NO control (no matter how many times we try to control things.) What’s next after giving it ALL to God.? We have to actually do our part next and trying to control what we can: It’s BEING OBEDIENT. What’s “being obedient”?? It’s following His blueprint and Word and repenting (turning) from our sin. Giving up that vice (Yes, I know FIRST-HAND HOW HARD IT IS!) Not living in habitual unrepented sinful lifestyles. Listening to convictions and acting on them. You know, that little birdie on your shoulder (that “gut feeling”) that you’re doing something wrong?? God can’t do His part if we’re not meeting Him in the middle and doing ours. In that case, then we’d just be a puppet (which some of us probably need at times, let’s be real…haha. But then that takes away our freedom of Free Will which then a world of Love can’t exist, but that’s a whole nother topic of discussion.) Point blank: We can’t heal our lives and hearts without inviting the Creator and Healer of ALL Healers into them. It’s TRULY understanding Grace, The Cross, and what Christ did at it (Romans 5:8 – “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.) Until we understand that…we can’t forgive and love others (obsessive, lustful butterfly feelings in your stomach isn’t “love” btw.) I’ve been a “Christian” since I was a kid, you could say, but the true understanding of Grace didn’t actually hit me in the gut until an Easter message in 2012 when I got tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. And you won’t be open to Grace if you have a hardened heart and are not open to God’s Truth because you’re too busy following your own “truth” and feelings (Like I did a majority of my life.)
Anyways, I pray for Love, Peace, and HEALING in this world. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Life is so much better with it and it’s the absolute BEST gift you can give ANYONE. Periodt. All other “gifts” are just bandaids trying to mask the real underlying unhealed issues.
A much lighter, healed Lover or Christ who is still continually seeking healing each and every day so I can better love you all. AMEN.
P.S. As funny as some may think this is…if you feel the need to post a Marilyn Monroe meme saying; “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.” Chances are, you have some healing to do.